I have a few (ahem) connections and the next thing I'm going to do in the spring/summer, is visit my friend in the country and totally and absolutely BLOW UP the scanner. It will be recorded for posterity on at least two video machines, but there will be nothing bigger than 1" left of the scanner. Yes, "I have a very particular skill set", if anyone has seen Taken. This will give me great pleasure! I'll post it on youtube and perhaps facebook, on the HP page (if they have one).